


The research nerd and the man in his life

by evakuality



Series: The research nerd and the storyweaver [1]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Character Study, M/M, References to reproductive organs both internal and external, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, discussion of sex - non-explicit, some discussion of dysphoria, some ignorantly transphobic language, trans Even
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-06 07:43:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17341367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evakuality/pseuds/evakuality
Summary: It’s Magnus’s favorite way to sting back when Isak roasts him: Isak’s always googling something, even though he has no idea how to do a proper search.  Isak always gives him the finger and sends a barb back.  But in the deepest recesses of his soul, he knows Magnus is right.  He’s shit at getting the searches to do what he wants them to.And that’s the problem right now.  It’s so incredibly important that Isak do this search right.When Isak finds out that Even is trans, it triggers some soul searching and a whole lot of internet research.  It all leads to him discovering the truth of the phrase, ‘only you can feel what you feel’





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to all the trans youths I've worked with. They are so wonderful, strong and resilient and while they'll never see this, I'm so proud of them and thankful for them.
> 
> Many thanks to everyone who stepped in to help with this. Your kindness, insight and support have meant a lot <3
> 
> The lovely [Camilla](https://hjertetssunnegalskap1.tumblr.com/) painted [this beautiful picture](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17354303) to go with this story, and it's amazing <3
> 
> [Sarah](http://canonicallyanxious.tumblr.com/), who is an amazing support and friend, has created [this playlist](http://canonicallyanxious.tumblr.com/post/181902528307/my-boy-has-wings-a-fanmix-inspired-by-the%22%22) inspired by this fic. It's glorious and mellow and uplifting and wonderful and everyone should listen to it.

Isak’s frowning in concentration as he stares at his screen.  It’s not like that’s unusual; his friends tease him all the time about his tendency to google the shit out of things.  In fact, it’s Magnus’s favorite way to sting back when Isak roasts him:  _ Isak’s always googling something, even though he has no idea how to do a proper search. _  Isak always gives him the finger and sends a barb back.  But in the deepest recesses of his soul, he knows Magnus is right.  He’s shit at getting the searches to do what he wants them to.

And that’s the problem right now.  It’s so incredibly important that Isak do  _ this _ search right.  Because what’s riding on this is so important.  So here he is, enmeshed in a confusing world of new words and concepts, many of which contradict each other.  Hormones. Surgery. Lack of surgery. Emotional ups and downs. Gender non-conformity. 

And none of them really addresses the essential point: how does Isak show that he still really fucking likes Even (loves? Has affection for? Desires? Has a deep fondness towards? Whatever it is that Isak feels, after such a short time together).  How does Isak let Even know that he’s still the sexiest fucking person Isak has ever set eyes on and none of this changes that? How does he show that he doesn’t care? Except  _ that’s _ not the right word for it.  

Isak growls, runs his fingers through his hair until he’s sure it’s sticking out all over the place.  He does care; that’s the thing. This … being a trans person … it’s a big part of who Even is. Not caring about that seems to Isak like it would be dismissive almost, as if that part of Even is inconsequential.  But what if Even would think that was bad, too? What if Even would rather Isak just ignored it and acted like he’s always acted? Isak feels like he’s in a pool that’s too deep and too wide and he can’t figure out how to get to the other side, to  _ any _ side.  And this life raft he has hold of, the internet, is very flimsy and feels like it’ll break under him if he takes any of it on board.  He reads the paragraph in front of him again.

_ There are high rates of trans exclusion from potential dating pools.  Many people suggest they are scared about what it means, or have little knowledge about transgender people and their bodies.  Discomfort with these unknowns, and fear of being discriminated against because of a romantic partner, has been suggested as one reason why trans people are seen this way. There is also a possibility that at least some of the trans exclusion is due to the fact that for some people, sexual orientation might be not about a partner’s gender identity.  It could be that attraction to certain body parts feels integral to one’s  _ own _ sense of identity.    _

Isak stares at the words until they become blurry in front of his eyes.  None of that seems right to him. Even is …  _ Even _ .  He’s the most generous partner Isak has ever had, and none of the ‘body parts’ stuff had even registered for Isak before he read those words.  The idea of pushing Even away based on that is absurd. None of this is actually helping the deep down underlying questions Isak now has.

It makes sense, of course, that no one person is the same, and Isak is never going to be able to figure Even out by reading stuff online.  Even’s not a collection of words on a page; he’s a living, breathing human with his own thoughts and wants and wishes. It’s just that Isak had wanted a little more information, wants to prove he cared enough to find out about it all for himself, before he goes back to Even.  The problem is … all this stuff deals with timelines and situations which aren’t relevant: when someone you’re dating suddenly realizes they’re trans. At what point to tell a new partner you’re trans. There’s nothing, in Isak’s admittedly not-great search parameters, that helps with his questions and his own fears and worries.

Because the worst part of all this, the part that fills Isak with hot shame, is that his reaction when Even told him last night … well, it wasn’t going to win him any ‘boyfriend of the year’ awards.  He sighs and leans back in his seat and rubs his hands viciously over his face as if the slightly painful pull on his skin might wipe away the pale, anxious look on Even’s face when he blurted out the words.  Or the way it had shut down when Isak had stammered his way through something awkward and unconvincing and excused himself to go home not long after.

That was last night, and now Isak’s phone sits silent on his desk, the lack of messages from Even just one more reminder that Isak fucked up and he has to put things right somehow.

A clatter of knuckles on his door frame startles Isak, and he gasps as he spins towards the noise.

“Eskild. Fuck.  Don’t scare me like that.”

“Oh, grumpy baby manchild, it’s just so easy and so fun.  You’re like a big dumb cat, always jumping at the smallest noise.”

Isak scowls at him.  “Is there a reason you’re in my room insulting me?”

“Oh, not really,” Eskild says, coming in and perching himself on the end of Isak’s bed.  “You just seem a little distracted today and I sensed a need for guruing.”

“You’re not my guru,” Isak says reflexively.  But inside he’s relieved. Maybe if he talks about this with someone like Eskild, someone who’s more firmly connected to the queer community, it will make it all make more sense.  Maybe Eskild knows where to go and how to look.

Eskild leans forward and looks at the tab which Isak has open.  His eyes widen and his mouth drops open.

“Baby … child … is this what I think it is?”

“Oh!” Isak flushes as he realizes what Eskild is thinking.  “No. Nei. It’s not … it’s not me. It’s about E … about a … friend.”

Isak catches himself before he says Even’s name.  Not that Eskild knows about him yet anyway, because Isak has been keeping this new relationship to himself just in case it gets as fraught as some of his older ones, just in case it all comes to nothing.  Still. He can’t say the name, because he can’t say which friend; that would betray a confidence, even if a future one. Because while Isak may have been something of a dick in the moment last night, he’s not asshole enough to out anyone against his will.

“Okay.”  Eskild nods, and Isak blesses him for not pressing for details.  He guesses that Eskild has had enough experiences like this one to know the etiquette.  He sits back and smiles at Isak, nods again but says nothing.

“Eskild?” Isak asks tentatively after a few moments.  “How … I mean, what should I do to … like … support him?”

“Hmmmm,” Eskild says, leaning forward again to take in the things Isak has typed into the search.   _ What does it mean to be trans?  Physical changes. Supporting someone trans.  Attraction to trans people. _  He purses his lips and thinks, while Isak watches him with a pounding heart and sweaty palms.

“This is someone you like?  Someone you want to be in a relationship with?”

Isak blushes, thinks back to the heady kisses and the way Even’s hands felt on his hips when they kissed.  He thinks of the way Even’s eyes flashed blue fire at him as they’d walked together on their few dates. He thinks of the way Even’s cheekbones set flutters alight in his chest.  He nods, carefully.

“I think it’s important to ask your friend about what  _ he _ wants.”  Eskild looks up at Isak for a moment.  “He? Yes?”

Isak nods, but swallows around a lump that’s formed in his throat.  He shuffles uncomfortably in his seat. “I can’t though. Like … what if I say something offensive?  I don’t … I think I didn’t react well when he .. when he told me yesterday.”

“It may not be as bad as you think,” Eskild says gently, reaching out to squeeze Isak’s shoulder.  “And if it is … Well, we’ve all said and done ignorant things in our time. But the important thing is to do better later.”

“I know.  I guess.” Isak swallows again, unsure how to even phrase his questions but consumed by a need to  _ know _ so he blurts it all out in a rush.  “But … but I want to know … does this mean I’m still gay if he’s not … you know?  How does that all work?” Because unfortunately, now that the article has put the idea in his head, Isak’s suddenly thinking about ‘body parts’ and what that might mean.  He’s still attracted to Even, no matter what, but now he’s wondering about his own sexuality. He doesn’t  _ think _ this changes anything, but how can he be sure?  He pushes the thought aside and carries on. “Or like … can I call him beautiful?  Eskild, he’s  _ so _ fucking beautiful, but can I say that or is it too much like saying he’s a girl?”

“I don’t know, Isak.  I just know that the only person who can answer any of these questions about your friend is … your friend.”  He smiles, pats Isak’s shoulder again. “He’s the one who knows how he feels about all this. But, maybe don’t ask the gay question; I think that really  _ is _ offensive.”

Isak flinches.  “See. How can I go to him when I’m just going to say and do shit that’s wrong?”

Eskild shrugs.  “Just tell him you’re confused.  Tell him you like him, that you don’t understand much about this stuff, but that you want to learn.  Maybe ask if he knows the best websites.”

Isak’s heart rate has picked up even further, and he can feel the terror rushing into his chest.  The idea of facing up to Even, of having to try to apologize for the way he’d so clearly made him feel yesterday, is really hard. He’s trembling at the very thought of having to do that, but he knows Eskild is right and that he really does need to talk to Even.  Beautiful Even, who lights up Isak’s world with his smile. Kind Even, who will always do anything for anyone, even if it makes things harder for him. Sensitive Even, who always seems to know what Isak needs, even after such a short time together. Funny Even, who can startle a laugh out of Isak with one well-timed word.  He nods, tears lodging in his throat, and Eskild seems to understand. He stands, gives Isak’s shoulder one last squeeze.

“Talk to him, Isak.  If this friendship is worth it to you … particularly if you want it to be a relationship, then you’ll find a way through.  You both will.”

“Thanks, Eskild,” Isak whispers and Eskild nods his acknowledgement and smiles at Isak as he leaves the room.

Isak glances down at his phone and takes a deep breath.  If Even’s not going to contact Isak, then it’s up to him.  He picks up the phone and thumbs open Even’s contact.  _ Mannen i mitt liv _ , the contact is labeled and Isak smiles.  That hasn’t changed at all. Even is, was and will be the man in his life, if he can just make this work out.

_ Hey can we talk? _ he sends, holding his breath until he sees the bubbles of Even’s reply coming in.  It feels like an eternity until he sees the response flash up onto his screen.

_ Okay, _ it says.   _ Where? _

_ Your place? _ Isak offers, thinking Even will probably be more comfortable there.   _ I can come now? _

_ Okay, _ Even responds.  It’s not many words, far fewer than he usually sends, and from someone as chatty as Even the hurt behind the curtness is obvious.  But Isak breathes a sigh of relief anyway. At least he’s willing to see Isak and talk to him. At least Isak has a chance to put right what went wrong yesterday.

It takes Isak several long minutes to get to Even’s apartment and he second guesses himself the whole way there.  He doesn’t feel ready for the coming conversation, but Eskild is right and the longer Isak puts this off, the longer he has to let the awkward feelings grow and take over, the longer he has to stew in his shame and the longer Even has to worry about Isak and what he thinks and how he reacted.

He stands in front of the building with his hands clenched and lets out one stressed breath.  He’s dallying and he knows it so he leans forward and presses the buzzer before he can second guess himself again.

It takes an eternity before the door to Even’s apartment swings open and Isak’s finally face to face with Even again.  He’s as breathtaking as ever, his body long and lean and beautiful. Isak has never been one to be attracted to someone’s body immediately; it’s always been other things: hands, eyes, a smile, the planes of a face, the soft flush of stubble.  But over the last few weeks Isak has come to adore the way Even’s body looks. It’s just a body, but it’s a fucking good one, and Isak appreciates the hell out of it. Even’s eyes as he takes in Isak are as blue as ever and there’s a crinkly smile hovering in the corners of his face.

“Hi.” Isak says tentatively, unsure what Even would like him to do right now.  What  _ he  _ wants is to kiss and kiss and kiss that face because until he was here in front of Even again, Isak hadn’t quite realized just how much he’s missed him, missed that, even in the few short hours since they’d seen each other.  But there’s no hint of the way Even might feel about all that, so Isak hovers nervously.

“Halla,” he gets back from Even.  

Isak studies him again, skims his lanky frame with his eyes, takes in the slouch of his body and familiar planes of his face until he realizes he’s staring and blushes.

“So … um,” Isak says once it becomes obvious that Even’s waiting for him to start this conversation, waiting for him to tell him what this is all about.  Which is fair enough when Isak thinks about it. He’s the one who made this awkward yesterday; he’s the one who froze and stumbled and ran away, so he’s the one who needs to fix it.  “I’m … uh. I’m really sorry about the way I acted last night. I was just a bit … surprised.”

Even lets out a small huff of laughter.  It’s not his usual boisterous, enthusiastic laugh but it relieves a tiny part of Isak’s tension.  “Surprised. Okay.” He pauses for a long moment before he adds softly, “I thought …” and the hesitance in his voice as he stares at Isak hits him in the chest.  This is his fault.

“I know I have no idea about any of … this.”  Isak waves his hand around as if to suggest the bigger picture, hopes Even understand what he means by that.  “And … and I’m so scared I’ll say something dumb. Eskild already says I think dumb stuff, but I have … about a million questions and I’m worried I’ll ask them badly and it’ll be shitty for you, the way Magnus and his dumb shit pissed me off when he realized I’m gay …”

Isak becomes aware that he’s babbling and forces himself to a halt.  He looks up into Even’s face, takes a breath and holds out a hand. “But I guess the most important thing right now is that I want to be sure that you’re okay.  That … that I haven’t ruined anything.”

Even’s face has softened and lightened while Isak spoke, and now he steps forward and rests his thumbs on Isak’s cheeks, ignoring the outstretched hand which Isak then slips forward to curl around his hip, and burying his fingers into the hair behind Isak’s ears.

“Isak,” he says.  “It’s okay. I’m used to people not really getting it right away.”  He drops his eyes for a moment, sucks in a breath, before looking up again.  “With you it was harder. Bigger. Because with you I  _ really _ cared.  I … uh. I haven’t felt like this before, ever, and I’ve been worried you’d look at me differently.  That you wouldn’t want me anymore, so when you left, I thought ...”

Isak’s hands float up until they’re sitting on Even’s wrists and rubbing small circles.

“I do have so many questions,” he admits, “and it does add stuff to how I see you.”  Even’s face blanches at that and Isak lets his fingers squeeze, trying to give reassurance.  “It’s good stuff, I promise. I like knowing more things about you.” He smiles again as Even’s face settles into something happier.  “I’m sorry I was a dick last night, and I’ll try to be better but I do need you to understand one thing. One thing is still 100% true no matter what.  I still really fucking like you and I want to be your boyfriend.”

“You’re sure?” Even asks, and there’s still that vulnerability in his voice.

“Yeah,” Isak breathes.   _ “So _ fucking sure.  I’ve spent all last night and today trying to figure all this out.  But then a good friend pointed something out to me.”

“What was that?”

“That only  _ you _ can feel what you feel, so the internet wasn’t ever going to help me work out what to do.”

Even laughs, rubs his fingers on Isak’s cheeks, suddenly looks impossibly fond.

“My research nerd,” he says, amusement clear in his voice.  “There is some useful stuff out there, you know.”

“I know,” Isak says, letting his own amusement slip into his voice now that it seems things are okay, that  _ they _ are okay.  “But it’s all so contradictory, and I have no idea who to believe.”

“I can help with that,” Even says.  “If you really want to learn.”

“I want to know it all,” Isak says, “but I’m so worried I’ll be offensive.”

“You probably will,” Even says with a small laugh.  “That’s just how it is.” He gazes at Isak, considers him so carefully that Isak almost flinches under the scrutiny.  “You know none of this changes anything, right? I’m still … I’m still me. Still the same person I was when we met. You just know more now.”

“I know,” Isak says.  “But it’s like … like a room, I guess?  Where there’s been a lamp on and I’ve seen that room and I loved that room.  But now there’s more light, another lamp or something, and now the room is brighter.”

“I can’t believe you just used a metaphor to explain this,” Even says, laughing again.  

“Shut up.  It was a great metaphor.”

“It was,” Even says, rubs his thumbs over Isak’s cheeks again.  “I feel like I’m seeing your room in a whole new light too.”

Isak laughs.  “Mine’s shit,” he says.  “Filled with dodgy internet searches, and assholery.”

“A bit ignorant maybe,” Even says.  “But I wouldn’t say much of an asshole.”  He grins, mischief lighting his face again.  “I’d love to know more about these dodgy searches, though.  What did you find out there in the big bad internet?”

“I won’t even tell you some of the things I searched up,” Isak says, blushing as he remembers.  “But I’ll try to be better.” He sighs, feels the pleasure building from Even’s fingertips, the heat as they make fiery paths on his skin, and smiles.  “But what I really want to know right now is if I can kiss you.”

Even’s smile lights his face and he leans down, just enough so their lips are almost brushing.  “I thought you’d never ask,” he says, his breath whispering over Isak’s lips as he connects them finally.  It’s the same as it’s always been, and Isak feels the same rush he did the first time. The same sense of  _ fuck, this is it. _  They haven’t been together long, just a few very short weeks, and it’s still heady and intoxicating, the rush he gets from doing this.  But there’s more this time, with a newly relaxed Even who seems more present and connected in the moment and Isak huffs a laugh as he pulls back.  He lets his hands slide down Even’s arms so he can squeeze his hands.

“You’re so good at that,” he says.  “So fucking good.”

“So are you,” Even says in a whisper.  “Thank you. For being you.” He looks like he wants to say more, but instead he smiles and pecks Isak’s lips again.

“For you, I’ll do anything,” Isak says.  

It may be cheesy, but it’s a truth he feels in his bones.  Whoever Even is, whatever that means, Isak is willing to do whatever it takes to keep him.  Because this … what they have, it’s real and he wants to live in this moment forever.  With the man in his life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I said I'd write more of this if I got an idea and apparently that happened faster than I expected. So here is a new chapter in Isak and Even's journey in this universe. If I get another idea I will write more; I find myself very attached to these characters. I wanted to say thank you again to everyone who has interacted with me and this fic. The excitement, support and love has been amazing and I'm so thankful to everyone for it all.
> 
> Most thanks, of course, go to the people who specifically helped me with this fic. You are stars! Your support, help, insight and encouragement have been wonderful and I'm grateful for you every day.
> 
> Camilla has now made a lovely [Isak](https://hjertetssunnegalskap1.tumblr.com/post/181974896985/i-talked-about-painting-more-on-this-thing-but-in) to go with her [trans Even](https://hjertetssunnegalskap1.tumblr.com/post/181850797005/so-i-painted-this-thing-inspired-by-evakualitys) picture. They're both lovely, so check them out and maybe give her some love and kudos!

The spot between the door and the couch is getting worn through as Isak paces, or at least that’s what he tells his brain to try to force himself to stop.  It doesn’t work; he keeps pacing ... up and back, up and back. His legs are restless, beating their own path and ignoring his more rational brain, the part that tell him it’s  _ fine _  and will be absolutely okay because no-one in this situation is an asshole.  The anxious parts remind him how many things could go wrong even with the best will in the world.

Eskild is seated on the other couch watching him with infuriatingly amused eyes and a casually easy posture.

“Baby Jesus, you need to relax.”

Isak stops for a moment and glances down at his shirt, which is indeed the old Jesus shirt Eskild bestowed on him years ago when he first moved in here, and which inspired this nickname.  He growls, runs his hands through his hair until he’s sure it’s standing up in all directions.

“Eskild, I’m sorry, but how can I relax when I know you’re about to meet Even?”

“Am I so scary?”

Isak starts moving again, the anxiety pounding in his chest and making his feet even more restless, but shakes his head.  “No. It’s not … it’s not that.”

There’s a shaky quality to his voice that irritates Isak and he rolls his eyes.  Eskild picks up on it and his voice becomes very gentle as he carries on.

“Is Even scary?  Do I need protection from him? Or do you?”

“Fuck you.”

Isak keeps walking; eyes everything to be sure it looks good enough, that it’s not out of place.  That nothing here will make Even uncomfortable. Because Even’s comfort is of paramount importance this evening.  Eventually, Eskild stands up, grabs Isak’s hands and pulls him until he’s sitting squished on the couch next to him and is wrapped in one of Eskild’s trademark tight hugs.  

“Baby Jesus, what is the real problem?”

Isak shrugs, not the easiest thing to do when he’s caged in Eskild’s arms this way.  “I don’t know. I’m just … worried, I guess.”

“About what?”

Isak flushes, looks away, unable to hold Eskild’s eyes as he says this.  “It’s just … I told you some stuff, before … before …” He waves his hand as much as he can in the cage of Eskild’s embrace, and hopes that he gets it.  At Eskild’s quizzical look, Isak sighs and adds, “you know … when I was doing that research that day and asked for your help …”

“Ah,” Eskild says, nodding sagely.  “You’re worried I will interrogate Even about being trans.”  Isak shakes his head but Eskild gives him another squeeze and nods.  “I must admit, I am a brilliant interrogator. If you ever need one. But ...”  He shakes Isak a little. “I’m not going to interrogate Even. I’m going to be very polite and nice and tell him lots of lovely stories about you.”

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Isak mumbles under his breath and Eskild laughs.

“Come now, Isak.  Your family isn’t here to do the embarrassing; it’s up to me to carry out this time honored tradition.”

The buzzer sounds before Isak can react, and he squirms out of Eskild’s hug to leap off the seat and let Even in.  In the interminable minutes before Even reaches their apartment, Isak starts pacing again and Eskild gives him one long, affectionate look.  When the door swings open, and Even is right there, Isak lets out a relieved breath. Seeing him makes a significant amount of the tension that’s been swirling in Isak’s body dissipate under the steadying weight of his beautiful smile.

“Hey,” he says, drawing Even into a tight hug.  “I’m so fucking glad to see you.”

“Halla, baby.”  Even’s eyes are pools of blue when he pulls back to look at Isak.  “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Isak mumbles as he burrows his way back into Even’s shoulder.  “It’s just … well, you’ll see when you meet him. Eskild can be … a lot.”

Even laughs, wraps his arms around Isak, who lets himself soak in the feeling of being here with Even.  It’s been a couple of days since they saw each other and Isak has missed this, missed the way they fit so well together.  He’s not willing to let go and move to face Eskild and his ‘lovely stories.’

“It’s okay,” Even says with an affectionate look, “I’ll protect you from the big bad man.”

Isak snorts and pulls back enough that he can shove him.  “That’s what he said.”

“So we’re going to do competitive protection then?” Even asks as he kicks off his shoes and lines them up alongside Isak’s.  “Sounds like a fun evening.”

By the time they’re in the living room again, Isak is laughing and feeling much more relaxed.  “You’re a fucking dork,” he says and Even laughs again as he follows, his hand warm on Isak’s hip.

Eskild’s face is alight and he’s grinning as he watches them come through the door.  “Baby Jesus, and the man of the hour.” He jumps up and shakes Even’s hand. “I’ve heard so much about you.  This poor child is besotted.” He looks Even up and down and his grin widens. “I can see why; you are very delicious.”

“Uh … thanks, I guess,” Even says, his eyes flicking over to Isak, who shrugs, smiling.   _ Told you, _  he mouths as he sits down.  Even settles next to him and slings his arm across the back of the seat behind him.  There’s a small thread of tension sitting in his body; it’s taut, and he’s slouched in such a studied way that Isak knows it’s not entirely genuine.

“So, Even,” Eskild says, sitting forward and resting his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands, “how did you and Isak meet?  I hear it’s quite a story but he refuses to tell me.”

Even’s glance flickers towards Isak again, and he shrugs, lets his hand rest on Even’s thigh.  “Eskild’s a nosy asshole and you don’t need to tell him shit.”

“Isak!  I’m pained!”  Eskild sits back and puts one hand dramatically over his heart, making Isak roll his eyes.  “I’ve raised you from a tiny baby gay to the giant of a man we see before us today, and this is the thanks I get?”

Even is laughing now and his body is starting to genuinely relax.  Isak will be eternally grateful to Eskild for just being his usual effusive self and making everyone feel welcome.  But he still feels a need to protest, to justify himself.

“You didn’t raise me, Eskild.  I looked after myself.”

“Ah, but your emotional growth, Baby Jesus.”  Isak scowls again, wishes he’d never worn the stupid shirt; it’s given Eskild entirely too much pleasure in the old nickname.  Eskild turns to look at Even with a smirk. “Did he ever tell you about how he he told me he wasn’t  _ ‘gay _  gay’?  We had to have a nice chat about that; this poor child has had a lot of weird thoughts in his time.  But I’ve trained him well now.”

Even smiles, looks over at Isak fondly and puts his own hand on top of Isak’s on his thigh.  He rubs gentle circles on Isak’s skin. “He certainly has a lot of questions,” Even says, his affection so clear in his voice that Isak shuts his eyes.  It’s still hard to accept that Even cares this much about him; it’s not something Isak’s ever really encountered before and he sometimes feels like he doesn't deserve it.  “Some of his questions can be a bit dumb,” Even continues, “but he’s a good soul.”

“Mmmmm,” Eskild agrees.  “Well trained.”

“I need a drink,” Isak says abruptly, not really liking where this conversation is going.  This is treading desperately close to the things that he’d been worried about before Even arrived.  “You want something, Even?”

“You have any beer?”

“What about moi?” Eskild asks, mock outrage in his voice.  

“Chill, Eskild.  I’ll grab you one,” Isak says as he gets up and moves towards the kitchen.  To his surprise, Even follows. Isak had only made the excuse because he wanted to get out and clear his mind a little, hadn’t expected Even to come too.  But he’s grateful that he did. All Isak wants to do is fall into Even’s arms and just let himself  _ be. _

“Eskild seems nice,” Even says cheerfully as he rests back against the counter and watches as Isak pulls some beers out of the fridge.

“Don’t let him fool you; he’s overly nosy, has some terrible stories and he threatened to tell you all of them.”

“I want to hear them all.  It sounds like he’s very good to you.”

Isak relents a little.  “He is, yeah.” He turns to Even, hands him one of the beers and then settles down next to him so their hips are brushing.    “I’ve been worried about you coming here,” he admits, and Even raises his brows in silent query as he takes a sip. “I … uh. I kind of told him about you being trans.  But it was … before we were really official and I was confused and he helped me and I didn’t use your name but it was … a bit obvious after we got together for real right after that.”

“Eskild is the friend who told you to stop doing internet searches and talk to me instead?”  Isak nods, gives Even a hip check to push away some of the embarrassment he feels at being reminded of that day.  Even grins over at him. “I owe that man a beer.”

“Be serious,” Isak says, laughing.

“I am serious.”  Even puts his beer down and turns to face Isak.  “Look, is it ideal that I didn't get to tell him myself?  No, of course not.” He smiles softly. “But you didn’t do anything maliciously, and he seems cool.”  He shrugs, lets his fingers curl around Isak’s hip. “So I’ll live. I mean, I’d rather you don’t go round telling everyone you meet, but this was a … special case.”

Isak huffs out a laugh.  Even is so chill about it all, and he doesn’t understand why.  If this was him and he’d been outed, accidentally or not, he’d have been stressed and angry.  But Even’s being so fucking … nice. “You’re so good to me,” Isak says. “I don’t deserve it.”

“You’re so good to  _ me,” _  Even murmurs.  “So many people don’t even bother to try.”

“I’m sorry some of my questions are dumb,” Isak says, leaning forward so his forehead is resting on Even’s.  “I’ve tried not to be shitty about everything.” He hates the way his voice is wobbling. He’d always told himself he wouldn’t do this.  That he wouldn’t put the responsibility for his confusion and ignorance onto Even, and here he is doing it anyway.

From this position, Isak can barely see the way Even’s lips curl up into a smile, but he can feel the way his breath changes and he can hear it in his voice.  Can hear the tenderness which makes his breath catch in his throat. “You’re not shitty about everything.” Even leans in enough so that he can kiss Isak. “And I’ll let you know when your dumb gets too extreme.  I promise.”

“You shouldn’t have to do that,” Isak protests weakly.  He’s finding it a little hard to remain intellectually viable when Even’s standing so close and making his knees go all weak and his breath catch in his throat.

“No,” Even agrees.  “I don’t have to. I want to.  Because I care about you.”

Isak’s flushing now, shakes his head.  It’s not fair that Even has to take on this burden, and the reminder that Isak keeps fucking it all up enough that he has to hits hard.

“Okay, baby,” Even says, pulling Isak into his body with the hand that’s still curved around his hip.  “Look at it this way. What happened when you made me a coffee and you didn’t put enough sugar in?”

“You told me you like it with more sugar and we added some.”

“Mmmmm.  And what about when I asked about what music you like so we could play some in the car?”

“I told you and we played some cool hip hop.”

“You see what I’m saying?  These can all be thought of as silly things, dumb little bits of who we are and yet we ask and answer those things all the time.”

“It’s not the same,” Isak says.  “Those don’t mean anything. Getting music wrong isn’t going to … make me run away from you.”

“You think I’ll run away?”

Isak shrugs, can’t quite bring himself to look at Even properly.  Even’s hand slips around Isak’s back and the other one cups his face.  Isak leans into it, feels the thumb hovering so very close to his lips.

“Baby, I can’t promise you’ll never say or ask anything that really bugs me.  Just like I can’t promise you that I won’t say stuff that will piss you off. I can do some shitty things when I’m manic, and I know I’ve said some ignorant things in my time.”  He takes in a breath, smiles at Isak while his eyes flicker over his face. “But I can promise I’ll … I’ll let you know before I do anything like running away.” He laughs. “It’ll be you who gets sick of me first.”

“Never,” Isak says, leaning forward so his nose nuzzle can against Even’s, taking comfort from his presence and his words.  “You’re the man in my life, remember. You’re stuck with me.”

Even laughs, the soft whispers of his breath over Isak’s lips making him shiver.  Isak leans forward enough that he can connect them, sighs into the kiss. He can’t imagine ever getting sick of this, of the way Even’s touch feels and the way he can light Isak up with just one kiss.  He takes a shaky breath when they stop, but doesn’t move his forehead away from Even’s.

Eventually, Isak reluctantly pulls back and smiles at Even.  “We should go; Eskild is probably ready to send a search party for his beer.”

“What are we going to tell him about our first meeting?” Even asks, obligingly picking up his beer and pushing away from the counter.

“What?  You don’t think our first meeting is epic enough?” Isak teases as he grabs his, too, and removes the top from Eskild’s..

Even shrugs.  “The man wants a good story, Isak, but our mundane coffee shop meeting just isn’t all that workable into an epic tale.”

“I dunno,” Isak says, pressing a small kiss to Even’s cheek as he passes to lead the way back into the lounge.  “I’m sure you could spin it for him.” He looks back, giving Even as cheeky a grin as he can, hoping to make him smile again.

“True,” Even agrees, eyes twinkling at Isak in the way that he adores. “I am amazing at making up great stories.”

“You’re really not.”  But Isak is fond, and he can hear it so clearly in his voice that he almost rolls his eyes at himself.  Even had wooed him with ever more outrageous tales until Isak had figured out he was flirting. The stories may have been atrocious, but they were always entertaining and Even had told them with such a straight face that it was almost believable to Isak for a while.  He can actually see Even making Eskild believe some thrilling tale of intrigue born of a cup of coffee. He grins at the affronted face Even makes. “But I love them anyway.”

“Come on,” Even says, holding out his hand to Isak.  “Let’s go face the big scary man. We haven’t got around to competitive protection yet and I was so looking forward to it.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings for anyone who might be sensitive to this issue:** some ignorantly transphobic remarks, some discussion of dysphoria, references to reproductive organs including external and internal, discussions of sex. If anyone wants to know more about any of these things warned for, then please come see me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/evakuality) and I'll answer as best as I can.
> 
> So I apparently had yet another idea for this fic and I had to write it, so here it is. This is the last one I have planned, but I'm always willing to hear ideas or suggestions for these characters. I have one idea someone gave me which I'm likely to do but which won't fit this fic. So that will be a standalone one. 
> 
> As always, many many thanks to the two people who have given me so much insight and help with this fic. I love you both and this could never have happened without you. And to my wonderful Norwegian guru, Camilla, who is always so willing to check for any silly things I do.

“Heeeeey, there they are!” Magnus’s cheerful voice manages to punch through the noise surrounding them as Isak drags Even behind him to the table where they always meet on Friday nights.  The music is thudding through the speakers, an insistent heavy beat that makes Isak want to dance. Not that he will yet; he’s never willing to do anything like that until he’s had a few drinks and a pleasant buzz has settled over his body.  But the promise is there in the way his chest lights up and his feet tap a little as he slides onto his seat.

“How’ve you been?” Jonas asks, leaning into Isak’s space enough that he can be heard.  There was a time, and not all that long ago, when doing this would make Isak uncomfortably aware of Jonas’s body and his smell and the way he made Isak’s heart pound.  But now, several casual boyfriends and one amazing not-casual Even later, Isak just laughs and leans close enough to answer.

“Been a bit shit, bro,” he says.  “My boss is a fucking dick and my classes are kicking my ass.”

As if he can hear Isak’s frustration, Even’s hand slides onto his knee and he smiles over at him before turning back to his conversation with Mahdi.  Jonas knocks Isak’s shoulder with his own and nods in Even’s direction. “Things seem to be going well with Even,” he says and Isak laughs.

“That’s the one good thing, yeah.”  He smiles as he looks at his boyfriend and lets his hand run soft patterns on the back of the hand on his leg.  Turns back to Jonas who looks amused. “He’s so fucking great.”

“We’re happy for you,” Jonas says, taking a big swig of his beer.  

The song has changed to a softer, less aggressive beat, making it easier to make out what he’s saying.  Magnus must have heard because he nods enthusiastically and leans over the table so he can shout at Isak.  “You guys are so chill,” he yells cheerfully in agreement. “Who knew that getting some dick was all it would take to stop your grumpy ass from _being_ a dick.”

Beside Isak, Even stills, tension suddenly taking up residence in the spaces of his body. Isak sucks in a sharp breath, ready to divert attention from the situation, but Even gives a subtle shake of his head and turns his focus to Magnus.

“What makes you think it’s dick, Magnus?” he asks, takes a carefully calculated sip of his own drink and fixes Magnus with a firm gaze.

Magnus laughs, leans forward even more as if imparting a secret.  “Well it just makes sense, doesn’t it? He gets a boyfriend and becomes a decent person.  It’s not rocket science.”

Jonas groans and Mahdi’s eyes flicker between everyone.  It’s obvious that he knows there’s _something_ going on under the surface, even though he’s not sure what.  

“So getting a boyfriend automatically means getting some dick?”

Even’s voice takes on a quiet fierceness when he speaks, but Isak’s fairly sure he’s the only one here who can read that tone.  Even’s very calm and measured, but Isak can feel the intensity behind the words.

A frown is gathering between Magnus’s brows, and he’s clearly baffled by the question.  “Yeah? I mean you guys have been together for a while now so it must have happened, right?”

“That’s a really shitty assumption, Magnus,” Mahdi cuts in now.  “It’s only been a few weeks. Some people wait, some people _never_ want to …”

“Some guys don’t have dicks,” Even adds quietly.  “And even if they do, not everything revolves around dicks anyway.”  He glances sideways at Isak. “There’s a lot of other stuff you can do.”

Isak’s cheeks are burning now and he wants to end this conversation; talking about his sex life, even this obliquely, makes him uncomfortable.  But he can see the steely determination in Even’s face so instead just squeezes his hand, letting him know he’s here for him.

“Maybe you’re just too focused on _your_ dick, Magnus.  You could try branching out a bit.”  Jonas’s voice is cheerful, calm. His words immediately suck some of the tension out of the air and everyone laughs at the affronted look on Magnus’s face.

“Anyway, why can’t I just be happy?” Isak asks when the laughter has died down.  Maybe he should let it rest but he’s annoyed at the assumption and wants to push back.  “Why does it have to be about sex?”

Magnus shrugs.  “I just asked,” he grumbles.  “Why’s that so bad?”

“It’s bad,” Even says, and there’s suddenly a mischievous twinkle in his eye.  Isak thinks he knows what’s coming and squeezes Even’s hand again in support. “Because you don’t always know who you’re talking to or what’s going on with them.”  He takes another deliberate sip of his drink, takes a breath as he stares Magnus down and adds, “I, for example, don’t have a dick because I’m transgender, so your assumption in this case was … well, shitty.”

Even sits back and the others all stare at him while he casually takes another drink.  There’s a small twitch at the corner of his mouth and Isak can see that he actually enjoyed dropping that on the boys.  Magnus, in particular, has flushed a bright ugly red and his mouth has dropped open, his eyes wide. To his credit, he looks ashamed.

“I’m sorry, bro,” he says, and Isak can barely hear him over the music this time.  The contrition is clear in his voice, though, and Even smiles at him.

“It’s fine.  Just .. maybe think a bit before speaking, yeah?”

As Magnus nods, Isak presses a kiss to Even’s cheek.  “I’m proud of you,” he whispers and he can see the way Even’s lips curl into a small smile at the affirmation.  There’s a soft squeeze on his leg.

“Been meaning to do it for ages,” Even whispers back.  “Thought I may as well take the moment and make it dramatic.”

Isak laughs and turns back to the others.  “Anyone else got any offensive questions or comments?  May as well get them all out of your system,” he says. He keeps a straight face with an effort as Even snorts beside him, thankfully covering it with a cough, and not actually giving away just how many mistakes Isak still makes.

This time, Jonas opens his mouth to speak but then thinks better of it and shakes his head.  Magnus just stares at Even, clearly trying to figure out what it all means but unwilling to say anything more.  Mahdi shakes his head too.

“Nah, bro.  It’s cool.” He looks over at Even.  ‘You’re cool,” he adds, smiling, and Isak can feel his chest expanding with pride.  

He loves that this group is what it is.  They can be ignorant and occasionally offensive, even Mahdi who seems to get it more than the others, but they’re good people at heart.  He lifts his glass and salutes them.

“You’re all a bunch of assholes,” he says, “but you’re my assholes.”

“I’ll drink to that!” Jonas yells cheerfully, and the conversation finally moves on.  Isak relaxes as Even’s body settles beside his own and his tension dissipates.

“Let’s dance!” he says, grabbing Even’s hand and standing up.  Even looks at him, surprised, and Isak grins. “What? I can’t want to dance with my boyfriend?”

“Okay,” Even says, following Isak out onto the dance floor.  The others had all shaken their heads when Even asked if they wanted to come along, and Isak has to push away a slightly anxious sensation that they’re just going to talk about Even behind his back.  It’s not Isak’s issue, after all; his job is to be there for Even. The others can deal with themselves, and Even can deal with whatever comes in his own way.

It’s one of Isak’s favorite songs playing, a heavy hip hop beat mashed with some cheesy pop song that somehow works.  He lets his body sway into Even’s and rests his arms over his shoulders, fondling the soft hairs at his nape. Even pulls him close until there’s no space between them and his lips can skim over Isak’s neck.  Isak sighs and his body mellows into the embrace.

“See, this …” he gasps as Even’s breath skims over his damp skin.  “This is why I wanted to dance.”

Even laughs, and the soft shiver of his breath leaves shaky tendrils of pleasure all over the sensitive skin of Isak’s neck.  “You don’t need to dance to have this, baby,” he says.

Isak buries his hands in Even’s hair, tilts his head until their lips can meet, and pulls Even into a searing kiss.  They’re panting, bodies pressed together, hips restless and hands roaming when their lips finally separate. Isak lets his forehead rest on Even’s and grins.  The beer he’s been drinking is singing in his veins and he feels pleasantly buzzed. But a lot of that can be attributed to Even, whose very presence often makes Isak light headed.

They move together, swaying to the music, letting themselves fall into the moment together.  It’s a crowded, busy place but no-one pays them any mind and Isak can almost pretend they’re in their own little world.  His body is on fire, reacting to Even’s in a way he doesn’t want to contain even if he’d be embarrassed if any of his friends happened to see them right now.

“Hey,” Isak whispers after they’ve ground together through a few more songs, ignoring the insistent beat for the delights of moving softly, bodies firm against one another, their skin heated up and their hands more purposeful.

“Halla,” Even whispers back.  They’re so close that even in this loud space, the words carry clearly to each other.

“You want to get out of here?” Isak suggests.  “Eskild’s out tonight and Linn’s in Bergen with her family.  We could … have the place to ourselves.”

He layers suggestion into his tone and is delighted to see the way Even’s face lights up.  He presses a kiss to Isak’s neck before he answers. “Desperate to get me alone, huh?” he asks.

“Always,” Isak says, his breath hitching as Even’s lips keep up a steady trail up to his jaw.  “Not good at sharing.”

“I know,” Even says, moving so he can kiss Isak’s lips.  “Even if your friends are great, I like having you to myself.”

“So we can leave?”

Isak doesn’t mean to sound demanding, but really what does Even expect, taking him apart like this so publicly?

“What would the boys say?” Even asks, his smile warm and seemingly innocent.  “We just got here, really.”

“Fuck the boys.  Who cares about them?”

Even laughs.  “You do … they’re your assholes, remember.”

“Well, right now I’d rather we were somewhere … not here.  Somewhere a bit more alone.”

Laughing, Even relents and allows Isak to drag him back to the table.  Magnus and Jonas are the only ones there as Mahdi has found someone to dance with and can be seen bouncing and singing in the middle of the dance floor.

“We’re leaving now,” Isak says, his grip on Even’s hand firm and his voice determined.

“Okay,” Jonas says, nodding at them.  “That’s chill.”

Magnus leaps up from the table and drags Even into a hug.  “I’m sorry, man, about before. I didn’t mean to be a dick.”

Even smiles at him, pats him on the back.  “It’s cool.”

Impatient, Isak grabs Even’s hand again and turns towards the exit.  Jonas laughs and nods again. “Be safe, guys,” he says, raising his brows in the way Isak knows means _get it, Isak._  “Use protection.”

Isak gives him the finger as they move off and Even is laughing, but the suggestions burn something in Isak.  They have only been together for a few weeks and in all that time, there hasn’t really been a chance to be totally alone.  At Even’s home, there are parents and siblings, at Isak’s a nosy Eskild and unlockable doors. So while they’ve experimented, and Isak is fully aware of what Even’s upper body looks like without clothing and what it feels like to have Even’s lips on his neck and chest as he comes, there hasn’t been any reason to discuss anything that might require ‘protection’ and the idea sits like a weight on his heart.  This is another of those things research really can’t help him with. Only Even can do that, and it hasn’t really come up yet.

They get back to the kollektiv and Isak makes up his mind as he unlocks the door.  He’s nervous, but he knows what he wants. All he needs now is to find out what Even wants, and for that … well, for that Isak’s going to have to talk to him.

 “I … uh.  I think we should maybe talk about something,” he says, and Even nods solemnly as he follows Isak inside.  It’s so quiet, unnaturally quiet for a place that is usually so filled with noise and bustle. It emphasizes, in a way that nothing else did, just how alone they are now and Isak shivers with anticipation.  It’s enough to push the nerves away, at least a little.

He sits on his bed and indicates with his head that Even should sit too.  It feels weirdly formal, being here like this, but Isak can’t think of how else to do it that won’t end in distraction.  He reaches out to touch Even’s cheek.

“You’re glorious,” he says, letting his fingers explore the planes of Even’s face.  The way his jaw juts a little, his full lips, the curve of his cheek, slope of his nose.  It’s all so familiar now and so beloved. He smiles.

Even’s eyes close in what looks like bliss and his hand rests warm and steady on Isak’s thigh.  “So are you,” he says.

“I’m just … wondering if we should maybe … move things to  … to the next level,” Isak says slowly, his fingers still caressing Even’s cheek, and Even’s eyes snap open.

“Are you proposing, baby?” he asks, laughing though there’s a tension underlying his voice, coming out in the way the tone darkens and the pitch rises.  “This is very sudden.”

Huffing a faux-irritated sigh, Isak moves so he can rest his forehead on Even’s shoulder.  “Dork,” he says as quietly as he can in the overpowering stillness of the room. “You know what I mean.”

“Mmmm,” Even agrees, and now his voice is shaking a little.  “I do. I’m just … it’s a bit … awkward.” He takes a breath, looks at Isak and smiles, cutting through the anxiety his words created.  “It’s like everyone is always in my business, always wondering about my sex life once they know.”

“I’m sorry.  Forget I said anything,” Isak says.  “It’s probably not the best time, with the beer and everything …”

“No, it’s fine.  I want to. Talk about it, at least.  But …” Even trails off, and his forehead screws up in concentration.  “It’s a bit awkward after listening to Magnus, and even Jonas today. Like they’re here with us since they know we left.  And there’s a bit of … I don’t know … stress maybe, just because of what they said.”

“I know,” Isak murmurs, lets his voice soften as far as he can and rubs his fingers soothingly over Even’s hand.  “It sucked what happened and I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry; it wasn’t your fault.  And it did allow me to tell them, so that was something.”  Even sighs, pulls back a little, though his hand remains firm on Isak’s leg.  It’s a few moments before he continues and his voice when he does is more vulnerable than Isak has heard it in a long time.  “I don’t need protection, at least not in the way Jonas was hinting at.”

Even’s eyes go far away and he looks like he’s thinking of something distant before turning back to Isak with a smile.  “I was offered a way to get rid of … all that. You know.” He waves his hand as if to suggest something large but also irrelevant, and Isak nods.  They’ve talked before about how Even had puberty blockers, how he had his uterus removed once he was far enough along in his hormone treatment, and how grateful he is that he’s had the opportunity to make those choices.  

“I feel like there’s a ‘but’ in there somewhere,” Isak murmurs carefully.

Even nods.  “But I haven’t had bottom surgery so sometimes I can feel … wrong, I guess, having sex.  It can trigger my dysphoria a bit. Sometimes, though not always.” He smiles at Isak. “You know what dysphoria is?”

Isak nods.  “Yeah, I do.  And I don’t … you know we’ll only do what is good for you, right?  And like … stopping is a thing, if you needed to.”

“I know, baby.  I do. I appreciate it, and I trust you.  It’s just … this constant battle with myself.”

He shakes his head, looks at Isak, scoots closer on the bed.  He places one hand on Isak’s cheek and smiles at him. “I guess I’m just saying we need to talk about it first.  Probably every time. Probably change things _during_ sometimes, even.”  He draws Isak in closer and kisses his hair.  “And, like … I need to know what’s good for you, too.  It’s not just about me.”

Isak laughs.  “I like everything.  Very easy to please,” he says, and Even kisses him again.  Isak can feel the way his hand is shaking on his leg, so he runs his own fingers down to meet it, squeezes it, tries to tell Even without words that he’s here and he’s willing to do anything.

Even sucks in a breath when they separate and looks at Isak carefully, his eyes flitting over his face in a reflection of the way they did the day Isak went to his home.  Whatever he sees must settle him, because he relaxes and smiles, his eyes crinkling in the way Isak loves. “Okay. So, you like to bottom then?”

Isak can feel the heat rising into his cheeks at how frank this conversation is getting.  But he appreciates Even’s honesty, loves that he’s willing to be so open about it even when it’s clearly a subject that has caused some stress for him in the past.

“I do, yeah.  And topping … and fingers … and …” he trails off, blushing harder.  In the past he’s never had to have a conversation like this one (his previous experiences always being a lot more physical than anything that required conversation) and it _is_ … awkward, just as Even had said.  But since it’s Even, there’s a level of comfort there too.  

“Mmmm,” Even says, his eyes crinkling again.   “I like all those things too.” He caresses Isak’s cheek for a moment, takes a few seconds to think before he speaks again.  “There are ways, you know … for you to still bottom. If you want.”

Isak’s eyes drift shut at the words.  It’s one of the things he does enjoy, and the idea of getting to have that with Even is amazing.  He sighs, opens his eyes and grins at Even. _“If_ I want.  You dork. Of course I do.”  He kisses Even, hard, lets his desire pour into it, lets Even feel how much he wants this.  “I want everything with you. So,” he grins again, “I want to know alllll about these ‘ways’ you mention.”

Even laughs, and his body relaxes completely now, the last vestiges of tension slipping away.  “How long have you got? I have a lot of tricks up my sleeve.”

The shudder that runs through Isak at those words is pure desire and he whimpers a little.  “All, night. I have all night, baby.”

“Well, I haven’t got anything with me,” Even says with a laugh.  “But one day I can introduce you to my collection at home.”

“There’s a collection?” Isak asks, and he chuckles a little as he hears the eagerness in his voice.

Even clearly hears it too because he, too, chuckles as he pulls Isak up so he can straddle Even’s lap and lets his fingers run down so cup Isak’s ass and press their bodies together.  “Mmmm, there is. But I do have some things I can show you today. Since we have this nice big apartment all to ourselves tonight.”

“Okay,” Isak whispers against his lips.  “Show me. I want to learn everything about you.”

“That’ll take longer than a night,” Even says, though he obligingly runs small nipping kisses down Isak’s neck, making him shiver.

“That’s okay,” Isak gasps as his own hands grip Even’s shoulders for balance as he tips his head back a little to give Even more access.  “I have … a whole lifetime.”

He means it, he realizes as Even moves them so he get better access to Isak’s sensitive spots.  If it takes a lifetime, Isak’s willing to give that lifetime to Even. Even if that sounds cheesy.  Even if that sounds too much for how long they’ve known each other. Isak’s never been more certain of anything in his life.


End file.
